Senior Dating Game Have you ever read the Lonely Hearts ads and been curious about who "Big Teddy Bear" or "Sleepless in Sonoma" or "Renaissance Woman" is? Have you secretly wanted to answer an ad or put one in the Personals but were too bashful (chicken)? Well, ponder no more on this age-odd drama as I have done the sleuthing for you. I have two years of research behind me and feel this information is too vital to keep from the public any longer. I can save you lots of time, money and energy if you pay attention to my findings. How did a square grandma get so daring? I'll fill you in. I was replaced by a younger model after 41 years of marriage and so I had to find another life as a Single. What to do? Join the Peace Corps of course, and go to Pakistan. Secretly I was wondering what other men were like, only knowing one brand for 41 years. But Pakistan is not the place to find out as the sexes keep separate, and women don't "date." On returning home, I joined a Creative Writing Class to tell about my adventures and inadvertently turned out a personals poem. The class urged me to place it in a local paper. Here is the first verse of three: I think it's alarming that I am so charming, Witty, talented, smart. Yet, nary a suitor is on my computer To share my interests and heart. I used a P.O. Box and my name wasn't listed. Letters poured in from all parts of California, including San Quentin Prison. I told the incarcerated one I didn't need a "pen" pal, then sat down to analyze the rest of my mail. Several letters were obscene - I was so green I didn't know men thought that way. However, as this was a "learning experience" (I wonder what other men are like) I tore the offending letters into shreds and read on. Oh, some young men want older women,--wondered why but did not investigate. Others were illiterate, L-O-N-E-L-Y, or didn't fit my requirements regarding age or interests. I didn't know what I wanted, but I thought I'd know when I met Mr. Wonderful. Some letter writers seemed like potential candidates for FRIEND, so I started the interview process at coffee houses, using a first name or alias. Before my first date, I was surprised that I couldn't sleep for two nights, then tried on umpteen outfits and paid real money for a hair styling. Mr. Dentist showed up in casual attire and remained casual throughout the coffee and sweet rolls. I never heard from him again. Why? Why? Why? My friends think I'm attractive and even "yummy." I met Doctor, Lawyer, Merchant, Chief, Tinker, Tailor, Beggar (wouldn't even buy me coffee) and Thief (on parole). At first I drove long distances and went out at any hour to meet men. This was serious research. After some risky (and stupid) experiences, I learned to be more selective, to ask more questions, and to be more frank about my age, appearance and interests. I branched out to Silver Strings (no one interested in the Older Woman there), made a video for a Marin dating Service (cost money), joined a Christian computerized Dating Service (the first man asked, "Are you saved?" "What?" He pressed on with, "Why did you get divorced?" "Why do you want to know that?" I angrily queried. "To see if it was biblical," he replied. I wrote a steamy letter to that dating service, then tried one for Letter Writers. Some of these candidates were married, lived in isolated areas or had illegible handwriting. Anyway, I wanted someone to talk to. The best group is Science Connection, a collection of active scientists who also have a wide range of interests. I met several men and realized I liked the scientific mind, but they are too busy with their work to be social. My research is now over and I still don't have a suitor on my computer, and don't even care! I've learned a lot about myself, I have more social ease and have thrown away my rose-colored glasses. I don't need to pretend I enjoy football or backpacking or cards. I don't need to dye my hair or apologize that I'm not in the "slender" category. I no longer waste energy on the Dating Game. Rather, I expend it on developing my interests and enjoying my friends and family. "Three Strikes and You're out" can also apply to the dating game. Strike One: not stating you are married or are still going through a divorce. Strike Two: not telling your true age until the meeting. (Age 80 when the request was for 60 or under). Strike Three: not being honest about your appearance. "I'm 6 feet"(but weigh 350 pounds because of an emotional problem). I know many people do find "The Right One" through ads, so perhaps I'll catch you "doing research" too. Good luck! Back for more humor

Matrimonial ad in Indian newspaper English and Malayalam Their culture takes matrimony seriously with no dating ads!